A universal prayer for spreading a loved one’s ashes
There is a box on a shelf in our living room with my late wife’s ashes in it. Most of them, at least. When Amy died in 2010 I didn’t know what to do with them exactly, but I knew I’d want to put them somewhere meaningful. We loved travelling and there were a number of choices and I eventually decided to leave them there. All of them. It’s been a slow process. Part of the problem is we honeymooned in South Africa. I live in Maryland so it’s a committment to get there. But upstate New York, the National Zoo, Ann Arbor, where her grandparents lived in Alabama, were all possible.
So that’s what I’ve been doing.
My relationship to the godhead is another thing. I’ve gone back and forth over the years. When I explain my sense of the Holy to some, they’ll say something like, “well that makes you agnostic, right?” My reply is:
“I’m not ready for that type of committment.”
That’s a joke. Sort of.
I mention this in that when I spread Amy’s ashes it’s important for me to say something out loud. A declaration of sorts to the Power of the Universe. And the act of spreading ashes by itself is sacred and thus the land or water into which I spread her ashes, becomes holy land or water. It’s worth it to say it out loud.
To that end, I’ve developed a prayer, or a blessing, or whatever you want to call it, that I adapt based on the location, and speak it aloud to myself, or in communion with whomever might be with me. I’ve decided to share it here in case you find the need for something like this for yourself or a loved one. Of course feel free to edit as you feel so moved.
One last note, when I read aloud the second paragraph it is to prepare me for the sacred ritual at hand. I view it as a cleansing ritual of sorts using what is in front of me: water, earth, ashes, leaves. It doesn’t mater. The example in the text below is for using water. As I speak the words, I will place my hand in the water, then on my forehead, then against my chest, then against my forehead again. It’s your choice whether to do this or not and location can force your hand. In a public setting, this may not be practice.
Nonetheless, the whole passage, for me, has become meaningful, prayerful, meditative, and helps put me in the right state of being for what I am doing.
With love,
John
My Dear Beloved,
You were called to return to the Essential, to the Infinity, far too soon. I am now at a place where we once together wandered during our earthly communion. I hold this place in my heart in remembrance of a shared dream of a life together; a dream from which we awakened suddenly. And today, at this appointed time, I declare this place sacred.
I now take [holy waters] from this [lake] to purify my mind so it may be clear and quiet; a vessel for wisdom. Wise in knowing it will not ever know. I now take these [holy waters from this lake] to purify my body that it may be strong and firm yet gentle and yielding. I now take these [holy waters] to purify my soul so as it is led by the Infinite towards an unknowable truth, it does so with passion. I do this to prepare myself to return you to the waters, the winds, and the earth.
Oh Infinite and Unknowable of Which We Are, I now command to you ashes from our beloved [name] whose life-force you so swiftly reclaimed to rejoin. I do this to honor [name] and his|her|their memory of this place [of still waters and rolling hills, peaceful meadows and quiet woods.] I do this to honor [name] and his|her|their memory of a time we held together and our memory of a time that never came. That she|he|they is in union with You in spirit and now in union with you in body, I ask of You, for her, eternal peace.
[Amen.]
