MAFA: Make America Fun Again

Robert S. Mueller, III, as director of the FBI. From Wikimedia Commons

Now that the Mueller Report has landed, it’s time to seize the moment! Both sides are calling for transparency and the release of the report so they can claim collusion or no collusion and declare victory. So, what is in the report? What will we find out? When will we find out? More importantly, how will we find out?

Here are some ideas that will create more civic interest and enthusiasm across the land.

1. Mueller and his team hide the report somewhere in Washington D.C. and give each senator and congressperson a riddle revealing the location. The first to solve their riddle and find the report gets to disclose it during a nationally televised press conference the day before the Super Tuesday primaries.
2. Every ten minutes for the next several weeks, Mueller releases one random sentence from the report. Puzzlers from across the country will reassemble the sentences into the whole report. The winner gets a guest spot on NPRs Sunday Puzzle show with Lulu Garcia-Navarro and the puzzle editor from the New York Times, Will Shortz.
3. In partnership with great American company, HERSHEY’S, Five Golden Tables of Contents for the Mueller Report will be hidden inside the wrapper of five separate HERSHEY’S 1.55 ounce Milk Chocolate Bar and randomly distributed across the country. The finders of the Five Golden Tables of Contents will be flown to Las Vegas to compete in a special edition of LeBron James’ Million Dollar Mile. The winner will receive a full copy of the Mueller Report and a special appearance during the next Super Bowl Half Time Show.
4. Instruct the Treasury to solicit bids for Mueller Report naming rights and use the proceeds to fund The Wall. How about, The Taco Bell Mueller Report, or, The Cialis Mueller Report. Tagline — You don’t have to wait any longer.

Win Win, y’all!

What are your ideas?